My trust is not your right, but a privilege!

In the relationships these days, there is an ongoing debate on the element of "Trust".

"You don't trust me, how can you love me." Commonly heard statement these days...
The root lies in the freedom of execution of one's will. When we declare our independence in this world, we break away from the notions that are passed on to us as heritage.

But, I would try to argue that this is an illogical conclusion drawn on a fallacious premise, because Trust and Love are not interdependent.

I have come to accept myself as a possessive person when it comes to relationships, and it is not out of regret but out of pride. Because I consider controlled possessiveness an outcome of passionate attachment with somebody or something.

Today's generation is complete contradiction to what it was 10 years back. Therefore, the definition of a man-woman relationship also becomes susceptible to change. However, I am not going to discuss on the new identity of our generation.

My focus lies on the commonly (ab)used term in relationships today: TRUST.

Well one of my girlfriends used to feel offended by my possessiveness because whenever I confronted her, she told me that I have a habit of overreacting and that " I don't 'TRUST' her..." so, "...how can I love her."

But what she didn't realize was that my lack of trust (was not my lack of feelings for her) but was a temporary insecurity induced by her actions. Isn't it true that Actions do indeed speak louder than words! The reason for my being insecure was that I was hoping for a long term relationship and not a fling. Some of you might argue that had I trusted her I would have seen her acitons as acts of innocense. But to such people I would like to say, "Get real!" Because Trust in any relation has to be built by both the parties. And a lot of committment and effort is required by both sides to make that relationship based on trust to last long.

For instance, let's take a relationship which is considered a sacred bond of love and mutual trust; that of parent and child. Although, the latter is born of the former, the trust between both the parties grows or diminshes based on their experience with each other over the time.

When you hear a mother say, "I know that my son/daughter can never be wrong." It is based on the past experience. If a child has been a docile and emotionally moderate through the childhood, he is trusted more as he grows up to become an adult. However, a child who has thrown enough tantrums and is temperamental over small things never gains enough trust of his/her parents even as an adult because of the parents' past experience with the child. Yet, we all know that parents love their children irrespective of what they are. Similarly, the kids who have experienced physical, mental or emotional abuse by their parents never tend to forgive them for it and thus can never trust them when in need. Nevertheless, a child always respects and adores his/her parents. And this true in most of the cases, let's not get into the exceptions. So we see that trust and love are not interdependent, even in the most basic and primordial relationship.

Similarly, in a man woman relationship, both the parties need to work on building the trust in each other. I am sure you have been nagged by your partners and you have not liked certain characteristic of your significant other some time or the other, but the fact that you are still together is a proof enough that you are being loved by them.

Remember, don't allow Trust to become the other person's responsibility. People who use this trap on their loved one's (a lot) are most of the times up to something. If you hear from your partner or think for your partner, "You don't trust me. How can you love me?", often that means, you/your partner are/is not happy in the relationship and want(s) to move out permanently or may be need(s) a break to think it over.

Well, this state doesn't always signify that the person who is complaining about the trust is actually interested in somebody else or plainly not intrerested in you anymore, but I can tell you for sure that if it continues for long, he/she will certainly grow out of the relationship.

So, trust is not a baseline for love as is commonly believed. Trust is a baseline for feeling secure. Trust is a prerequisite for taking your relationship a step further but not for starting one because trust comes with time. You can fall in love with someon with or without trusting them. Because love is an emotional need, however, security is a physical and social need.

Hence whenever you are being pushed, remember to stand up for yourself, and say "My trust in is not your right, but a privilege!" And it (the privilege) holds good only until both the persons are committed to keeping that trust intact. However, it is also your responsibility to not to interpret your partner's actions incorrectly or doubt them excessively. When you don't understand your partner's actions all you need to do is ask for an explanation with an open mind. And remember, asking for an explanation does not show a lack of trust. It is an indication that if the situation is not understood comprehensively and dealt with by both the parties, it could lead to decline in the mutual trust.

Remember, being curious and jealous in limits doesn't make you an obssessive paranoid but a loving and caring partner. So don't hesitate to confront your partner, coz if they are for real, they will never hide anything (significant) from you.

One more thing I would like to tell you, sometimes one needs to filter out the facts and doctor them based on the sensitivity of the situation, so to save yourself from extra burden and agony, stop being overly suspicious. Afterall what is the fun in living if you don't have challenges to keep you occupied. And the challenge here is to anticipate your partner's move without being nosy about it. And like for all other things in life, if you give it some time your relationship can shine through without your feeling the need to think about the mutual trust or the lack of it.

To reiterate, trust is a mutual agreement and it takes two to build it or destroy it.

Don't take life too seriously.